the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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