What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
