yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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