saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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