Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
