after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
