Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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