it was like his penis was on wheels.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
