I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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