And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize