Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize