I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
