She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize