Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm bleeding and have questions
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
