Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
