a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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