Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm like, not good at living.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
