I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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