so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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