finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
