This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
