Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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