The maid of honor just puked.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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