capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
