mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
