Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
