Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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