i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
