Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
