No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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