I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
