Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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