I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
