When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
They should really pass out barf bags in church
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
