I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize