His hands were made for my vagina.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
FUCK WHALES
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
