Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
