I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
