Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How does one acquire holy water?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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