Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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