Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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