he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
