maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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