My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
