before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
