we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
