Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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