Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
