The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just high enough for therapy.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
