I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
