Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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