im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
