the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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