he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize