I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
