omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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