So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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