I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Houston, we have a blender
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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