There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
