Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
