Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
