John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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