he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
