Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
