In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
