I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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