I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He passed out mid-signature
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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