This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
