Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
false alarm, still single
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