Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
