I can text with my tongue
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
