You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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