You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
