She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
